What wrong did he say?

If you work in an office then you know what does the dialogue, ”We have an open communication policy” means. Theoretically it means you can criticize your boss, tell him only a jackass will take such a decision and expect an A grade for being a team player during your appraisal. 

Now we all know good theories never produce the intended results and hence to get an A grade during appraisal we always need to say to our bosses that we are lucky to gain such a valuable experience by working under them.

Today I attended a staff meeting. In small companies staff meetings mean a meeting where all the employees assemble in a hall and hear the various department heads say the company is growing by leaps and bounds, then come out of the meeting and say what a waste of time.

In today’s staff meeting after we had clapped through the presentations of various managers, the COO took the stage. He started giving a presentation and suddenly in the middle of the presentation asked us what is our goal. I don’t know what he was talking about because I was bored of the presentations given by various managers and only the presence of the CEO in the room was stopping me from yawning.

A person sitting in the first row heard the COO ask what’s our goal and replied, “To finish the meeting and get back to work.”

It was not a smart reply to give to the COO in front of the whole company but this guy had just done that. I am sure after the meeting some guys would have congratulated the guy for being so straightforward and the guy would have ran to catch the COO somewhere alone to say, “Sir, I am sorry. It was just a joke and…..I am really sorry”.

The most important thing this incident taught me was a method through which we can use the open communication policy to obtain grade A in our appraisal. Here it is:

1. Don’t criticize your boss in front of him.

2. Find someone who will do it.

3. When he does it, make a face that says this guy is a complete jackass.

4. Ensure that your boss sees this guy is a jackass expression on your face.

5. After the meeting shake hands with the guy and say you loved what he said. You were thinking the same but didn’t have guts to say it.

6. Collect your grade as A during appraisal for being a dedicated sincere employee.

7. During the farewell party of the guy eat the cake, drink Coke/Pepsi/Fanta and don’t speak stupid words to the guy in front of your boss like we will miss you.

8. Find another idiot that believes everything which management says such as, “We have an open communication policy. You are welcome to give us feedback and constructive criticism.”

To sum up

Follow the following two rules for getting A grade from your boss during appraisals:

Rule 1: The boss is always right.

Rule 2: If the boss is wrong, rule number 1 is applicable.