The haircut

I am an introvert. It doesn’t mean I hate people but only that I am not really good at conversations. I don’t talk much when I am with my friends and avoid talking with strangers assuming they all are Amway agents. I have always wished my barber to be an introvert like me and to me it seems it’s not love but haircutting where opposites attract. 

Today being a Sunday I decided to read few filmi magazines and hence visited a barber. When my turn came the barber asked me to sit on a chair and I told him I want a haircut and a shave. This should have been the end of discussion but unfortunately it seems ability to speak non-stop is an essential requirement for working in a Men Saloon. 

The barber half-way through the haircut asked me where you live sir. I wanted to say just do your job but the guy was giving me a haircut. Such a curt reply may lead the barber to shape my hair like David Beckham and I think I don’t have clothes to go with such a stylish hairdo. Unable to afford a new wardrobe I told the barber where I live and the barber told me he lives just 2 kms away from my home. In reply I said, “No wonder it’s such a nice locality”. 

The next question barber asked was what do you do Sir. I wanted to say currently I am working as a Gigolo. However, I was unsure if the barber understood this particular English word and I have no idea what a Gigolo is called in Hindi. So I told the barber about my work and the barber told me if the payment is good then it’s not a bad thing to do. 

The barber asked me few more questions and I dexterously replied all thereby ensuring I got a haircut appropriate for a guy who works in an office and not a rockstar. I left the barbershop hoping google will be able to answer one question which I have been asking myself ever since I started chatting with the barber and the question was how to cut one's own hair. 

My mother is addicted to TV serials

My mother is obsessed with the saas-bahu shows. For her the time between 7:30 pm to 10 pm is more sanctimonious then her pooja time. During this time she is glued to tv like you and me when Sachin Tendulkar is batting. With so much tv watching I have started fearing she will soon start weighing more than the sofa on which she sits. 

I remember when I was a child my mother told me money cannot buy happiness. She then proceeded to tell me stop watching cartoons on tv and study because no studies means no good marks which meant no good college which meant no good job which meant no good life and wife. I think I must tell her to stop watching tv but unfortunately she doesn’t have any homework to do. 

The reason I think I don’t like my mother watching so much tv is because I have slowly become jealous. Sometimes I think my mother cares more about Aanandi (of Balika Vadhu) than me. Her tv obsession makes me believe she is more interested in the life of people in Big Boss house than the people in her house; people who eat her cooking and wish they could order pizza instead of eating dal-roti-sabji every night. I think the only reason my mother watches so many cooking reality shows is to learn how to properly criticize my dear wife’s cooking. 

The biggest problem arises when India plays a day-night cricket match. We have two TVs in our house and she being the boss of the household orders me to watch the match on the smaller tv which I think my parents purchased when I was in school. It’s so old that I think it must be solely used to watch saas-bahu shows. Watching a cricket match on it is nothing short of a torture to me whereas in the next room my mother is learning tips on how to be a perfect monster-in-law. Things like this make me angry and motivate to write such blog posts. 

Another problem I have noticed is my mother is highly susceptible to ads. My home has every biscuit that is advertised on tv. I think we are the first people in the colony to try the exquisite new flavor of a biscuit that costs just one and a half times more than the regular one. It’s not that I have a problem with eating new variety of biscuits everyday but what I really want is some pizza chain to open shop near my home and start advertising heavily on tv. 

To sum up

TV was invented to pass time and not to ignore your family members.