Smoking is addictive. The only thing I know more addictive than smoking is tweeting. Smoker die early, tweetholis don’t have an offline life. The only way to stop a tweetholic from tweeting is to cut his access to internet. I am a tweetholic, had access to internet on Saturday but didn’t tweet on Saturday. Why?
Nice question. The answer is not so nice. The reason why I didn’t tweet on Saturday is because it rained in Pune on Friday evening. If you are on twitter you must be cursing yourself for not being in Bangalore whenever it rains. Bangalore tweeps go nuts whenever it rains there and non-Bangalorian tweeps say – Only in Bangalore, rain and Rajinikanth movies have the same effect.
Just like Bangalore, Pune is also scorching these days. Since, it rained on Friday evening, it demanded a celebration. So I went to the nearest wine shop and brought two beers. I came home and decided to watch the movies that I had downloaded during the week and when I finished my second bottle I checked the time on my lappy, it said – 4:17 AM. When you realize that it takes you 6 hours to finish two bottles of beer than you must accept that you don’t have a natural flair for drinking.
I got up at around 10 AM on Saturday. I had received my annual appraisal form on Saturday and realized that I must start filling it. I opened the form and found the Taare Zameen Pe moment of my life – Akshar nache hai.
I kept my appraisal form aside and thought what I must do now. I checked my wallet and found 2,000 bucks. That’s a lot of money if you want to buy wine. I went to the wine shop and brought wine. Time around 11 AM. Last night God had told me that you must leave drinking to the more gifted ones but I thought practice makes a man perfect. After all what is genius? 1% inspiration, 100% perspiration…wait, that would be 101%. Damn it!! I am still carrying a hangover.
I drank wine. Actually, I substituted popcorn for wine and drank lots of wine while watching movies. I drank the whole bottle of wine and realized it was past 6 PM. Well, a day spend drinking is a sign that you are either an alcoholic or have enough drinking power to become one. Since I don’t have any of those, I had to puke.
I went to washbasin and opened the tap, closed my eyes and waited my nose to tell me that I must be ashamed of myself. Well, I waited and waited for quite a lot but my nose just kept smelling water. The problem with puking is that it is like love. Either its gonna happen or its not. You may think you are in love, you may think you are going to puke but when the moment of action arrives, you know the truth.
All I was doing at the washbasin was praying to puke and feeling God’s server was overloaded with too many requests and giving fail whale message. With my prayers rejected, I walked back to my room with a heavy heart and severe headache. I went to my bed, threw the annual appraisal form lying on the bed away and slept.
I woke up after midnight. The headache was there but was not severe. This meant I could eat the tiffin that was left at my door at 8 PM and go back to sleep watching funny ads on youtube. Not a great end to Saturday but tomorrow being a Sunday, I knew I had enough time to overcome my hangover.
I woke up on Sunday at around 11 AM. At noon I had no hangover. So I decided to have a good time and brought a Kingfisher. I finished the beer and like a good boy went to sleep. I woke up at around 5. Since I don’t have any friends outside office, I decided to kill boredom by shopping.
I went and brought a jeans. As I was walking to the cash counter I found a scheme that said buy 1 tshirt, get another free. Since I had brought a jeans and the offer was good, I picked two tshirts. I gave the clothes to the guy at the cash counter with my card and he told me the bill amount. I did some mental maths and realized the cost of tshirts was more than 600 bucks. Now I didn’t like the 1 + 1 offer but the tshirts were good so happily signed the receipt. Time 6:30 pm
It was still not time to sleep so I decided to go Crossword. I picked three books and then I came across Time’s collection of best articles published by it. Time is an American magazine and I am Indian. I can hardly relate to its articles and the cost of the book was 485. I read the first article and said to myself what the heck? What do I work for and gave 4 books with my card at the counter.
I know I should have said what the heck when I heard the bill amount at the clothes shop and should have gone back home with jeans and 2 tshirts but I didn’t. I went to Crossword and not to a friend’s place. It was not that I didn’t want to go to friend’s place but I had no option. I spend so much time in office that even after living for more than one year in Pune I don’t know anyone outside my office.
To sum up
Retail therapy was not invented for women. It was invented for losers like me. People who have no friends and always have money in their bank account at the end of the month.
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