I love Saturday nights because it means I can drink as much as I want without being concerned how I will attend office tomorrow. On the last Saturday I went to a wine shop to buy whisky and brought wine and whisky.
I came home and started drinking wine. I drank my first glass of wine and realized that there is no point in drinking cheap wine unless one has company. So I called an ex-colleague and he told me that he is cleaning his room but will join me in half hour.
The ex-colleague came one hour later and till then I had finished couple of glasses of wine. We drank at my terrace, finished the bottle and decided it was time to eat. We checked the time and it was about 10:30. So we went to the neared bar cum restaurant.
We reached the restaurant and my ex-colleague told me not to order any hard drinks because he had to drive back home. I ordered a beer and told my ex-colleague that he must have one glass of beer with me.
My ex-colleague asked me whether I had heard what he had just said and I replied yes and I know your capacity. Moreover we can’t eat fish without beer. The order of fish made my colleague understand the logic behind ordering beer and he accepted to share beer with me.
We ate fish and drank beer. Here is a tip if you like to drink. Beer after you have had red wine tastes awful. Don’t even try it. While we were having beer the waiter told us to give order for dinner because the restaurant was closing. Me and my ex-colleague studied the menu and were unable to decide what to have for dinner. We finally decided that tonight in dinner we will have anda bhurji at the railway station.
We reached the railway station and ordered anda bhurji at a thela. We were half way through our first bhurji when the thelawala told us to quickly finish our bhurji because he is leaving. We asked him what’s the reason and he pointed towards a police van. Too late he said. We gave him the money and decided to have our dinner at Cumsome restaurant at Pune station.
We reached Cumsome restaurant and found it was closed. I told my ex-colleague that we are fucked and he nodded. I asked him now where will we have dinner and he replied – Saale Bewade, you screwed us both. Now you provide the solution.
I looked at my ex-colleague and felt if I didn’t provided him with dinner, next time he will never come to my house to drink cheap wine. I thought where we can find food at midnight in Pune and told him we are at railway station and so food will be available inside the station. He said good idea and decided to talk into the station.
It was my turn to tell him Saale Bewade. I told him Saale Bewade and informed him you cannot walk into a railway station without a platform ticket. We reached where tickets are sold and found each counter had atleast one kilometer long queue. I told my friend WTF and he told me – Salle, Daru pila kar WTF kar kiya tune.
I wanted to tell him what he just said didn’t make any sense but the tone in which he had said told me that this is not the right moment to mindfuck him. I told him there is a counter near the entrance of platform no. 1 where only tickets for train to nearby station such as Lonawala are sold. We must try it.
We reached there and found half kilometer long line. However, this was the shortest queue we had seen on Pune station, so I decided to join it. My ex-colleague told me that since we need only platform tickets he will approach directly to the ticket counter. I told him good idea. Do it.
He came back few minutes later and told me people were shouting at him as soon as he reached near the ticket counter. I told him just like movies and he nodded. I told him he had a good idea but unfortunately the people in the queue were too dumb to understand it. Now what he needs to do is to improvise the idea. All he needs to do is to find someone of our age in the queue and tell him that he doesn’t want a proper ticket. Just two platform tickets. Please help.
My ex-colleague told me that I want him to tell someone in the queue that – Buddy, help me. I don’t want a proper ticket. Just two platform tickets. Can you do it for me? I said exactly and he went back to the starting of the queue.
I didn’t saw my ex-colleague for the next fifteen minutes and the queue kept moving forward at snail pace. I thought my ex-colleague was pissed off with me, had dumped me and left. Suddenly I saw him talking with a guy and then I smiled because I saw my ex-colleague receiving two tickets from the guy. I walked out of the queue and heard a person say – Bhaiya can u buy…… I cut him off by saying - Quick, take my place before anyone notices.
We went into the Railway station and found platform number one offered us food that killed our appetite. Since we were no more hungry so we went to platform number two and found a stall selling juices. I asked my ex-colleague did he wanted to eat something from the nearby café coffee day stand and he said let’s have a juice first.
We had a juice each and I asked my ex-colleague was he still hungry. He replied – Dude I had half bottle of wine, one glass of beer, one fish, half anda bhurji and a pineapple juice. Are you still hungry?
I told him I wasn’t. I told him I guess it’s time to go home and sleep and he said yes. We started walking and I told him to stop. He asked now what and I pointed towards the bookstall that was open and told him – Yaar, I got to buy comics.
I reached the bookstall and asked a guy who was busy reading newspaper to show me Bakelal’s comics. He said he doesn’t have any Bakelal comics. I asked him do you have Doga, he said no. I asked any comics of Super Commando Dhruv and he said all I have is Nagraj’s comics. I have read Nagraj and I know reading them is as good as watching Shaktiman. Nagraj is the Mithun of Indian comics. He sucks. But when you are drunk, you want to see a C grade movie where the hero beats 20 guys in five minutes flat with the type action that will make you roll on the floor with laughter.
I picked two random comics and told the bookstall guy to show me Indian novels. He showed me Chetan Bhagat novels and I told him I have read them all. He showed me Trust me by Rajshree and I decided to buy it. If you are a girl then you must read this novel. If you are a guy then you just saved your 95 bucks. It is a great chick lit novel. Girls if you find it, do buy it and guys if you buy it then either you are stupid or drunk.
My ex-colleague told me now since we are through with drinking, eating and shopping, we must go home. I told him that I need to buy one more novel. My ex-colleague told me that you have just brought a novel and I told him I mean a Hindi novel. He told me you read Hindi novels and I told him I love to read Hindi novels.
I asked the bookstall guy to show me Hindi novels and he asked me – Sir, you want romantic or thriller type novels. I told him I don’t want to see any romantic novels and asked him to give me the bestselling thriller. He picked a novel and told me – Sir, Keshav Pandit. I told him – No Keshav Pandit for me. I have read it and I know its baakwass. The bookstall guy told me – Sir, you are wrong. Keshav Pandit is always bestseller. This series has got more than 100 novels. I replied - Wow. 100 novels. I have read one of them and I don’t want to read any of the other 99 novels. The bookstall guy showed me another novel and I immediately brought it. I would have brought it even when I was not drunk because the title of the novel left little doubt that I am going to enjoy it as much as a Mithun movie. The title of the novel was – Maai Ka Lal.
My ex-colleague dropped me home and I started reading Maai ka Lal. I guess I would have read 50 pages when I fell asleep.
To sum up
Alcohol makes you stupider enough to do things that you would never do when you are sober.
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