Office Romeo XI

We live in a small world. Hence, there are few things that are found in every office such as HR dept that makes you jealous for doing little work and consisting of more girls than you have talked in college, admin dept that teaches you at some places arguing is useless and office romance that makes you wonder how did your colleagues got so much free time.

Flirting in office is like a cricket match on a flat pitch. Whether you like it or not depends on which side you are supporting.  It is turning out to be a great game if your side is batting and a disaster if it is bowling. Same goes with flirting. If you are flirting then there is nothing wrong in having a little chit-chat with a colleague and if you are not flirting then you are pissed off every time you find a female colleague chatting with a guy and smiling.

I have spend few years in my cubicle watching and listening stories of office romances and have reached the conclusion that office romance is the proof that there is no correlation between education and wisdom. It also shows that I am a member of the team that denounces flirting in office and whenever a female colleagues tries to talk with me on a matter that has got nothing to do with work I start thinking – Abhishek, say something funny, now, just say it, ok not funny just say something, stop nodding and saying ya ya like a yankee monkey but say something. The end result is usually the girl concludes I am a workaholic with little social skills and me tweeting – I am not a workaholic nerd. I am just a nerd.

I think flirting is like cricket. There are bowlers that try to confuse batsmen with googlies and there are batsmen whose sole aim is to score as many quick runs against as many bowlers as possible. I don’t know much about bowlers because I don’t know much about girls and with the knowledge of batsmen I present to you office romeo XI.

1.       The Sanath Jayasuriya types: These are the guys with fabulous track record. Everyone is office is of the opinion that they can pwn any bowler. There is only one problem. Whenever they come to bat they are out in the first over. The bowlers castle their wickets and send them back to the pavilion aka cubicle with as ease as deleting a mail that says your uncle has died in Nigeria leaving you a fortune.

2.       The Mathew Hayden types: Innovative, brilliant and don’t realize they are too old to play. My only advice to them is uncle you are married and have kids then why the fuck do things that make you a laughing stock.

3.       The Rahul Dravid types: They are really the wall. The bowler begs them to get out but they keep on playing nonchalantly even on deadlines as if they have all the time in the world. They don’t score any runs but ensure that next time the bowler seems them in a mall, she runs for her life.

4.       The Andrew Symonds types: They have the reputation of being a bad boy, they know it and intend to keep it. They are believers of big hitting and I think the sole aim of their batting is to tell people like me that no guts, no glory, no girlfriend.

5.       The Virender Sehwag types: They don’t care at which juncture the match is. All they want is to play glorious shots. Usually they are victim of soft dismissals (in cricket playing a stupid shot and in flirting getting out because they put their foot in their mouth) and come back to their cubicle with the resolution that they will never act so rashly ever again.

6.       The Yuvraj Singh types: I am strictly putting Yuvi in this list because I remembered a tweet by @eyepeeyell that said the reason Pritey Zinta is pissed off because Yuvraj Singh has bigger tits than her. These are the cute guys with tormented past because the bullies in college frequently posed awkward questions to them to find out whether they are really lesbians trapped in male bodies. Nothing can be done about them because nobody knows when they will hit six balls for six sixes and when will they get out so stupidly that you will want to strangle them for ruining the reputation of every guy in office.

7.       The Kevin Pollard types: These are the prize catch. They work as much as anyone else in the team does but being graduates of some big college their salary cheque is good enough to give us an inferiority complex. There is never a question regarding their ability to win the match on their own. The only question is of when. Sometimes they can take so long to deliver a match winning performance that you come to know about their feat from your ex-colleagues.

8.       The Kevin Peterson types: The bowler slayer type. They have the class, they have the talent and can destroy any bowler at whim. That’s why bowlers are extremely wary of playing against them because when such types are in form and in mood, they really get to the nerves of the opposition.

9.       The Joginder Sharma types: I really feel sorry for such batsmen. They really don’t play. In their entire life they have performed one unintentional miracle in the field of flirting like going to a movie with a female colleague and the whole office never allows them to forget it. They know their talent and whenever given an opportunity to bat surrender their wicket without any resistance.

10.   The ICL types: They don’t have the talent or the skill to flirt but being ardent of believers of Chance of Dance philosophy they don’t allow any opportunity to slip. If they don’t get an opportunity then they scowl for being treated unfairly. I think the best thing one can do instead of asking them to shut up is to encourage them. There is no fun in working if you don’t have an idiot in your team.

11.    The Pakistani types: These are the matchfixers type. The outcome of their matches is decided even before the match starts. They pretend in office as if they are just carrying out their flirting duties whereas in reality they have made the bowler biased by being friends with her on facebook.

To sum up

My theory of flirting if simple – If you can’t beat them, if you can’t join them then write a blog making fun of them.